Transformed by Robot Love

I was watching Transformers with my kids the other night. The big blockbuster movie ala Spielberg. This was the second time I’d watched it. My husband and I bought it when it came out on DVD, and we watched it together the first time to make sure it was okay for the little ones. Well, ostensibly that’s why we watched it. In reality my husband was a big transformers kid, and I love big special effects movies. And this one had it all, great effects, and some not so bad acting, actually. My one complaint was that in the big Autobots vs. Decepticons battle scene it was kind of hard to tell who was who. But I digress. This is NOT a movie review. It is a movie REVELATION. Which I will, of course, now share with you.

Naughty, naughty Hollywood. They slipped a menage in there. AH HA! You didn’t catch that, did you? Now, perhaps my overactive imagination and twisted personal ideology made me read something into the movie that wasn’t there, but I don’t think so. Let’s see what you think. Bumblebee (the good autobot who turns into a mighty fine yellow and black mustang)+Sam+Mykaela=Menage HEA. Uh, huh. Seeing it now? Here’s the facts:

1. Bumblebee is the alpha. He “chooses” Sam, and his mission is to protect Sam at all costs.

2. Bumblebee is the one who actively pursues Mykaela, bringing Sam along for the ride. Remember when he plays music that convinces Sam to ask her if she needs a ride home? And then strands them by pretending to break down? And Mykaela has to look under his hood? Um, hmmm.

3. Bumblebee saves Sam and Mykaela from Barricade (bad Transformer, bad,) Then when he drives them home afterwards, Mykaela refuses to sit in the driver’s seat, because Bumblebee is driving himself. It would be like sitting in Bumblebee’s lap, because he’s alive, he can feel. We’ll revisit this in a minute.

4. It goes without saying that boy and girl get together. With Bumblebee’s help, Sam and Mykaela fall in lurve. Couple number one.

5. When Bumblebee is taken by the government bad guys (who turn into okay guys) Sam’s reaction is so extreme it goes beyond friendship. Not sure if that’s how Shia LaBouef wanted to play it, but that’s what happens. And it works. And again, Bumblebee is taken protecting Sam, and now Mykaela. She’s not his mission, but he clearly has included her in his sphere of protection. Alpha, alpha, come out, come out, wherever you are.

6. It is Sam who calms Bumblebee when he is released to help the humans fight the Decepticons. Only Sam can soothe his anger and fear. Sound familiar? Couple number two.

7. As they are racing toward the city with the All Spark, Sam’s in the driver’s seat. Remember, Bumblebee is sentient. He feels. No one else in the movie rides in this car except Sam and Mykaela. Well, Sam’s best friend does for about one minute, but then he’s kicked out in favor of Mykaela.

8. When Bumblebee is injured and he asks Sam to protect the All Spark, Mykaela won’t leave Bumblebee. This is where these two really connect. She hitches him up to a towtruck and saves his life, refusing to leave him, crying over him. Then the two of them, working together as a well-oiled team (couldn’t resist) save the day. Couple number three.

9. When the fight is over, and the Transformers are ready to leave, Bumblebee chooses Sam over his transformer buddies. “I wish to stay with the boy.” Your “boy”, Bumblebee? Uh, huh. Oh yeah.

10. HEA. The final scene of the movie shows Sam and Mykaela making out on the roof of Bumblebee’s mustang form. Um, we’ve already established that Bumblebee is sentient. He can feel, both emotionally and physically. Hello?! It’s a threesome. Voila.

So, what do you think? I swear this all jumped out at me the second time I watched the movie. This first time I was all about trying to follow the plot and fighting, and mesmerized by the special effects. The second time I was all big-eyed, going OMG it’s a menage. (Not out loud in front of the kids, of course.) It’s so obvious if you look for it, and I think it was deliberate on someone’s part there in Hollywood. The writer’s, the director, the actor’s, IDK. But somebody was dreamin‘ of some robot love. Personally, I’d do Optimus Prime. If he could shrink down to something smaller than a semi-truck, maybe something you could hold in your hand . . .