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Bad Writing!

admin — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 03:52:54 +0000

Hey! I resemble that remark.

I can’t believe this is going to be a movie. Do people actually want to sit through an hour and a half of cheesy examples of bad writing? Really? They must. I will admit that I love the statement, “No one was a worse writer than me.” I love it because in my case it’s true. I have a confession.
I dropped out of college. Yep. The first time I attempted to get a degree was directly out of high school. It was 1984 and yes, Sam, I had the mullet at that time. But what’s important here is why I dropped out of school.

I was enrolled at North Texas State University. I moved into the dorms fresh out of high school and barely a month over 18. I was wide eyed at the size of the campus, the number of students, and oh my, the boys!

I had tested into a sophomore level English class. I was so proud. I had also tested into a math class so low that it didn’t count toward my degree credits, but man were my English scores high. I stared the sophomore English class with enthusiasm and excitement. There were two football players in there! So cool. I was on time and sat down in the front row.

When we got our first writing assignment, I executed it with the thrill of writing that I’ve always possessed. It was longer than the assignment required, but not by so much as to be a pretentious showoff. I made sure I fulfilled each part outlined in the instructions. I can’t remember exactly, but I believe it was some sort of expository report on a current affair. (Remember, this was the day of typewriters – no computers for us in 1984, no spell-check, no red squiggly lines to help out the poor fat fingered typist.)

A week later, I sat in that class brimming with excitement, waiting for the professors’ review. That was, until the professor grimaced and told us that these were some of the poorest examples of second year college writing he’d ever seen. He couldn’t be talking about me. MY paper was great. MY paper was written by a student who tested completely out of first year college English. I was golden.

He reached down to his pile, removed one of those papers and began to read. Uh oh. He regaled the class about how this particular student had subjected him to an overuse of alliteration, a basic misunderstanding of the English language and horrible use of grammar. It hurt to hear him be so harsh. I sunk in my seat. He plopped the paper in front of me and tsked. I could have died. He had been reading MY paper.

How could he? ...

Giant Holes…

admin — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 03:50:29 +0000

Plot, characters and setting are among the most important components that make up any story. I know there are many more things that go into the creation of a great tale, but for today’s exercise, let’s narrow it down and agree that these three broad categories are the basic essentials to any story. Just like beginning, middle and end. They must all be there to make for an enjoyable experience. Right?

Maybe not.

I now offer a movie that is missing huge gaps in two of the three categories and I still enjoyed the movie, albeit, I grumbled about the huge gaping plot holes the entire time.

Cloverfield came out in Jan of ’08. (Yes, I’m a little behind on my movie list, just as I am on my to be read list. Forgive me.) It's a monster movie. I love a good monster movie and I'm aware that you have to allow for a certain amount of suspension of belief in any paranormal, monster, magical, etc...story. I know. BUT>>>>

Here’s the trailer to refresh your memory.

Plot - four young people risk life and limb by running into an area that the Army has shut off to protect humans from a monster large enough to push over the Empire Sate Building and the little monster-babettes it is shedding like skin into the streets.

This is a great premise. Where I get lost is over the number of huge plot holes that the filmmakers expect the audience to ignore.

First – The entire move is filmed from the POV (point of view) of one of the guys that has decided to keep his video recorder running throughout an ENTIRE disaster that is far beyond September 11th proportions, “to preserve it for others to see.” He does this even as he is being munched upon by freakish, large toothed monsterettes,. He does this as the group runs through dark tunnels, climbs up collapsed buildings and fights for their lives on numerous occasions. He even kept rolling as his love interest gets killed from being infected by a monsterette bite.

Maybe I’m just a weenie, but I would have dropped that camera and ran like a little girl in the first 10 minutes of the movie. Just saying. And the battery life on that video camera had to be nuclear or something.

Next – the two girls have on high heels throughout the entire movie. Uh, hello? Have you ever tried to run in high heals? For about 30 seconds, sure you can. But, these girls were on the run for hours – in a city that was being destroyed with huge chunks of concrete, broken bricks and twisted steel beams were ...

Transformed by Robot Love

admin — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 03:37:29 +0000

I was watching Transformers with my kids the other night. The big blockbuster movie ala Spielberg. This was the second time I'd watched it. My husband and I bought it when it came out on DVD, and we watched it together the first time to make sure it was okay for the little ones. Well, ostensibly that's why we watched it. In reality my husband was a big transformers kid, and I love big special effects movies. And this one had it all, great effects, and some not so bad acting, actually. My one complaint was that in the big Autobots vs. Decepticons battle scene it was kind of hard to tell who was who. But I digress. This is NOT a movie review. It is a movie REVELATION. Which I will, of course, now share with you.

Naughty, naughty Hollywood. They slipped a menage in there. AH HA! You didn't catch that, did you? Now, perhaps my overactive imagination and twisted personal ideology made me read something into the movie that wasn't there, but I don't think so. Let's see what you think. Bumblebee (the good autobot who turns into a mighty fine yellow and black mustang)+Sam+Mykaela=Menage HEA. Uh, huh. Seeing it now? Here's the facts:

1. Bumblebee is the alpha. He "chooses" Sam, and his mission is to protect Sam at all costs.

2. Bumblebee is the one who actively pursues Mykaela, bringing Sam along for the ride. Remember when he plays music that convinces Sam to ask her if she needs a ride home? And then strands them by pretending to break down? And Mykaela has to look under his hood? Um, hmmm.

3. Bumblebee saves Sam and Mykaela from Barricade (bad Transformer, bad,) Then when he drives them home afterwards, Mykaela refuses to sit in the driver's seat, because Bumblebee is driving himself. It would be like sitting in Bumblebee's lap, because he's alive, he can feel. We'll revisit this in a minute.

4. It goes without saying that boy and girl get together. With Bumblebee's help, Sam and Mykaela fall in lurve. Couple number one.

5. When Bumblebee is taken by the government bad guys (who turn into okay guys) Sam's reaction is so extreme it goes beyond friendship. Not sure if that's how Shia LaBouef wanted to play it, but that's what happens. And it works. And again, Bumblebee is taken protecting Sam, and now Mykaela. She's not his mission, but he clearly ...